The other day I did a Christmassy norty.  My Dad had been to the pub (with me) and his guard was down (a bit).  We were in the kitchen where My Mum was preparing dinner, and My Dad had left the stairgate a tiny bit open.  Now, as you know, I can be very stealth, so I snuck into the living room and helped myself to a choccy from the box that My Dad had carelessly left open on the floor.  Not that it would have mattered if it had been shut:  I can easily find my way into a box!  I was quickly missed and My Mum was hot on my heels.  I only had time to snaffle one Thornton's chocolate!  I wish I could have had more cos 'twas YUM!  

Well this week I've excelled myself and I've managed to maintain a good level of naughtiness all week.  The pinnacle, however, came on Thursday when a very nice man came to fix the washing machine.  For some reason, my electrical expertise was not required and rifling through the man's box of tools was deemed inappropriate so I was sent to the front room with my mat. This was a bit of a treat because I'm usually only allowed in there during the evening.   My Mum was busy in her pre-Christmas preparations for Pre-School and was up and down the stairs, risking leaving the stair gate open whilst I slept soundly (or so she thought) on my mat.
Finally, the opportunity presented itself:  My Mum was talking to the nice man and discussing when he could come back with the new part the machine needed so I snuck upstairs for a mooch.  Now usually, the only place of any interest is the bin in the study.  Sometimes there is a wrapper in there and occasionally an apple core, but I struck gold.  In My Mum's bedroom (which, is very much out-of-bounds to me, but who was to know) I found some bags containing Christmas shopping and low and behold a box of Roses chocolates.  I worked swiftly and managed to nibble a hole in one corner just big enough to get to the chocolates.  Unfortunately, I was discovered whilst still munching through my first one which was quite chewy and I got a BIG telling off.  I was marched, unceremoniously, downstairs and put out in the garden. No matter, 'twas YUM!  

That evening, My Mum was regaling My Dad with the story and he too had a moment of carelessness.  He put the slice of bread he was about to butter, down on the side in the kitchen and I seized my opportunity and popped my head between their arms and stole my prize.  Another big telling off, some very rude words and again I was put out in the garden where I was able to eat my piece of bread in peace.  'Twas YUM!  

I did another one!
Yesterday morning, I got a big telling off from Tom when he discovered that I'd helped myself to the new pot of butter.  It had just a scraping or two removed so it was almost like a new page, and very, very tempting.
I was put out in the garden, where I found more norties to do, and then I spent much of the rest of the day licking my buttery whiskers.  YUM!  

Today when My Mum went down the garden to put the hens away, I pretended to be sound asleep.  When she came back I was busy.  I'd managed to get the cake tin out of the sink and I was licking it clean.  It's a new recipe, but I can safely say that Mary Berry's spicy orange sponge is YUM!  

You know how important it is to make house guests feel welcome, and to treat them as part of the family?  Well, I've decided not to exclude Billy's lovely girlfriend when it comes to little indiscretions and norties.  The other day I managed to pinch the bit of bread she was planning to have with her soup, and the night before last I discovered a half eaten bar of Dairy Milk in her bag.  It wasn't half eaten for long!  They wrestled some wrapper off me and Billy managed to shake a little chocolate from my mouth. I got a very big telling off and my Mum apologised for my behaviour.  I do feel terribly misunderstood, but never mind, 'twas YUM!

Today I managed to squeeze in a little norty before breakfast.  I snuck into the front room, and found the biscuit jar which had been left by the side of the sofa.  I tipped it over, got off the lid and took a chocolate chip digestive.  Ooh, 'twas YUM!  I also wanted a Bourbon biscuit, but My Mum found me, told me off and sent me back to the kitchen.  She told me I didn't deserve my breakfast but decided her life wouldn't be worth living if I spent the day hungry so she relented.  A minor victory, I think you'll agree.   

On Saturday, a lady delivered a very pretty flower arrangement.  She told My Mum that it would need topping up with water and it would be best to do that in the kitchen in case it leaked.  My Mum did just that, and then pushed the arrangement to the back of the worktop out of harm's way.  She went upstairs for just a little while, but became aware of an unusual noise.  Unfortunately for me, she discovered me munching through one of the roses.  She wasn't very pleased and I got a telling off.  Never mind . . . 'twas YUM!

The other day I found something gorgeous on My Mum's garden chair.  It was pink and inviting and smelt a bit chemically, but apparently it was a toe separator and was not for me to eat.  Never mind 'twas rubbery! 

Today I ate a wooden spoon.  I've been very good about wooden spoons lately, but Billy had been using this one for cooking and it tasted lovely so I just had to have a crunch on it.  My Mum was cross!  Never mind . . . 'twas YUM! 

I have recently been a very helpful hound;  I have taken to doing the washing up.  I use my powers of 'stealth' to take dirty bowls and pots out of the sink and then I wash them on the floor.  My Mum used to put dirty things in the sink to keep them out of my way but I've got round that, so now I'm free to wash up whenever I like.  My assistance is rarely appreciated but I don't mind as sometimes I find some tasty morsels . . . oooh, YUM! 

Today I drank some fruit tea.  It was called Raspberry Royale: raspberry and vanilla with a hint of rose.  My Mum had a cup of it in the garden, and I knocked it over so that I could get to it.  I enjoyed it so much that I even ate the teabag.  Why doesn't she do that?  'Twas YUM!

Today when My Mum came home from work she noticed some tomato stalks and a carton and wrapping on the kitchen floor.  She asked me who had eaten all the tomatoes, but I pleaded innocence. 

Don't tell anyone, but they were YUM! 

I've just eaten half a cucumber.  It was quite delicious, very good for me and not too filling so it won't spoil my dinner!
I even managed to get most of the plastic off.  Ooh, 'twas YUM! 

Yesterday My Mum made a delicious chocolate sponge with blackcurrant jam filling for Tom because he came second in a 20mile cross country race.  Today, she cut him a slice, popped it on a plate and moved her arm just a tiny bit.  I leapt like a salmon from the water and grabbed the yummy cake without her seeing.  Sadly, she noticed before I'd managed to eat it all, and she grabbed me - quite roughly I have to say - by my collar and put me outside.  Unfortunately, I dropped a bit of the cake on the way, and My Mum pulled me away from it and gave it to the chickens!  I was fuming!  Still, I managed to eat some of it and 'twas YUM! 

Yesterday My Dad took me for a very long walk.  I'd been very good, and we were having a lovely time when all of a sudden we both spied some walkers sitting on a log.  Now, I have a nose for food, as you know, and it soon occurred to me that these people were having their lunch.  The penny dropped with My Dad at the very same moment!  I ran, he ran.  I ran faster, he ran faster, but he was slightly handicapped by having to shout:  'watch out for your food, he'll eat it!'.  The people thought I looked most attractive - and after all, why wouldn't they? - and My Dad heard them comment on my lovely fluffiness with voices that disbelieved his threats.  Unfortunately, a last minute spurt by him put him between me and the picnickers and their lunch was safe . . . this time.  We had a bit of a Mexican stand-off and then he walked me home.  I was a bit disappointed;  their soup smelt delicious, and people always have bread with soup, and that's my favourite.  Never mind . . . there's always next time. 

Yesterday was a red letter day:  I was good almost all day!  I didn't eat any 'sguzzies on my walk (but then they did watch me like hawks), I was obedient and I was well behaved at home.  I even helped clean the hen house!  My Mum doesn't always appreciate my assistance, but I give it anyway. 
Here I am emerging from the hen house - I felt it was important to check that My Mum had cleaned out all the poo, because as anyone knows, tis YUM!

When we went for a walk the other day I got the urge to eat 'sguzzies again.  My Mum was very, very cross with me because she had said 'leave' so she clipped my lead on and sat me down in the field and gave me a very stern talking to.  I didn't take the blindest bit of notice, but I think she felt a bit better for it.  Never mind, 'twas YUM, and next time I'll just have to be a bit more 'stealth'! 

Today when My Mum came back from shopping she found me lying on her dog-walking coat.  I think I did a little norty by dragging it onto the floor but never mind, 'twas COMFY! 

I've also just ripped up a plastic bag and thrown a notepad on the floor. It is important to keep busy! 

I love a stick, me.
A few months ago, a very kind man gave My Mum a bundle of long straight sticks for her to use in the garden.  Recently, I discovered the bundle stacked up by the bins and I've been helping myself to a chewing stick whenever I can.  I'm not supposed to have them, so I have to be a bit 'stealth' about pinching them, but they are lovely to chew.  YUM! 

I am, by nature, a very helpful hound, but my willingness is often not appreciated.  Last night I tried very hard to help My Mum make fish pie, but she kept telling me not to put my feet on the worktop.  She did promise me some poaching water and fish skins with my dinner, and I know I should have been happy with that, but I'm afraid I was driven to do something I know she thinks is a little norty.  When she left the kitchen I helped myself to the wooden spoon she had been using and gave it a very thorough washing.   I didn't eat the spoon like I sometimes do and I got it very clean but still I got a bit of a telling off and My Mum said she felt like bopping me on the nose with the spoon.  There's no justice, but never mind, 'twas YUM! 

Ooops, I've done another norty!
We were walking down the field and the snow was really thick, making it very difficult for My Mum to walk fast.  I got a whiff of something they think is disgusting but I think is yum, so I popped through the barbed wire fence into the woods to seek it out.  My Mum shouted at me to leave it and she called me in her excited voice, promising me sausages if I came, but I chose to ignore her and sought out the 'sguzzies.  You see, I had the upper paw, because My Mum couldn't get through the fence and she had to walk all the way down the field to the gate. 
A bit later we met a very friendly lady with two lovely, friendly goldies, and My Mum had to apologise for shouting.  My Mum says that I embarrass her, but still, 'twas YUM! 

You may notice that I haven't been here for a few days.  That is because I've been really quite good.  Not perfect, obviously, but not too bad either.  My Mum is still dining out on some of my older stories, so she's quite happy.

She did get a bit cross with me earlier:  I ate some 'sguzzies on my walk, and as it was so cold and snowing she said 'That's it! We're going home!'
Still. 'Twas YUM! 

I went to school yesterday.  I love school.
Unfortunately I got the urge to be a little bit norty and My Mum got quite cross.  She kept muttering about my behaviour and was heard to say that there were not enough bad words in the whole wide world to describe me.  How rude! 

I love it when we have the gun - it makes me very excited - so every time it went off and I was asked to get a dummy, I went dashing off and collected it, but there was just so much rabbit poo to eat that I couldn't resist, so each time I took a bit of a diversion and refused to bring the dummy back to My Mum.  I don't see why this is a problem, they know I can do it if I want to, so why do they get frustrated when I don't?  Even lovely Mike, my trainer, called me something a little bit fruity!  
Still, never mind.  The rabbit poo was YUM! 

I do like to do just a little norty after my dinner. 
Today My Mum left me to have my dinner and went up to do some work, so after I finished eating I helped myself to a plastic tub from the sink.  It used to have mashed potato in it but it did spill an awful lot of water on the floor and I got a telling off.  
Never mind.  'Twas YUM! 

Oh dear, I think that bath may be on!
The ink was barely dry on my last post when I got an irresistible urge to do a norty.
My Mum made the chickens some porridge, and when she popped out of the kitchen for a nano-second, I grabbed the bag of oats off the side.  I got a bit of a telling off and she put me outside, so I scratched at the door to come back in.  I didn't get to eat many oats, unfortunately, because she was too quick but still . . .  'twas YUM!

Apparently, I have done some norties today! 
Not big ones, I hasten to add.
Sitting on the table on the patio is apparently a norty - I don't see why!  I get a good view of everything from here and I feel like king of the castle.  Anyway, My Mum told me to get down, so I thought I should get my own back.  Instead of guarding and caring for the chickens which I have to do since the fox came to visit, I decided to square up to them and nudge them to see if I could get them to play.  Mrs Doyle just stretched her neck at me and My Mum shouted. 
Oops, another norty!

We went for a lovely muddy walk, but I was not in the mood to listen or do training so I didn't bring my ball back; I ate rabbit poo instead.  'Twas YUM! 
Then I found some 'sgusting to eat and My Mum shouted.  She says it's a norty if I ignore her when she says 'leave!', but 'twas YUM!
She's mumbling about a bath.  Oops, I may have pushed her too far! 

Actually, today I've been a really good dog and I've hardly eaten a morsel, apart from my two square meals and some chicken poo.

Yesterday, however, I did do a norty.
My Mum had moved the kitchen steps across the kitchen and when she went upstairs to check whether Billy really had left all his pants at home, I hopped up the steps and onto the worktop where I discovered the egg skelter thingy.  Just too tempting!  I was discovered munching my way through the last of the four or five eggs that had been resting there. 
I got a big telling off, but never mind!  'Twas YUM!


Ooh, and while I'm here, I did another little norty the day before. 
I managed to get into the box of sunflower hearts that My Mum gives to the chickens. 
I ate quite a lot before I got a bit of a telling off.  Never mind!  'Twas YUM! (And full of Omega 3 which will make me a very smart and healthy hound).